Q: What's the difference between persuasion and influence? When is it better to use one or the other? For example should I be trying to persuade my teen to do the right thing or should I concentrate more on being a good influence?
A: This is a great set of questions. Let's get the definitions out of the way first and then we'll talk applications.
Social Influence investigates the causes of human change--whether that change is a behavior, an attitude, or a belief.
Persuasion attempts to win "the heart and mind" of the target (group or individual; in this case your teen). Thus, in order to persuade you must bring about a change in attitude, which is basically an emotion-based change.
Based on those two definitions, it's easy to see that persuasion is only a part of influence.
When dealing with behavior, compliance and defiance come into play. Compliance is often a quick-fix solution to a social problem. Compliance doesn't require your teen to agree with the message--just simply perform the behavior.
For example, your teen asks, "Why do I have to be home so early?" you say "Because I said so." If your teen comes home on time that's compliance and if they don't...well obviously that's defiance. Either way, you influenced the behavior and the outcome because your teen definitely approached the situation differently based on your influence.
As far as beliefs go--social psychologists say:
"Education is the propagation of a set of beliefs, or Propaganda. We call it 'education' if we already believe in it, and 'propaganda' if we don't. Beliefs are things known or believed to be true, as opposed to attitudes, which are evaluations of objects that we think about."
Now that the definitions are out of the way...
Being the best influence on your son or daughter that you can be is mandatory. End of story.
Million-Dollar Question: Is it better to be more focused on gaining compliance or is it better to focus on changing your teen's behavior or their attitude?
Hmmm...
It really depends on the situation, but I tend to lean towards changing attitudes. Although it is more difficult to induce persuasion than it is to gain compliance, the effects of persuasion last longer because your teen actually accepts and internalizes the message.
When your teen comes home on time they are the perfect little angel because they complied, right? But what if your teen is a slickster like I was? (My Mom is going to kill me if she reads this so, please don't tell her!)
I would come home on time, but when everybody went to sleep, I was ghost! (Translation: I would sneak out.) See? Compliance was only a temporary quick-fix solution. Compliance turned into defiance because my attitude hadn't been changed. My motivation for coming home on time was extrinsic. My Mom said that I had to. Other than avoiding punishment I didn't feel like I needed to be in the house.
Even though I never got caught, I think my Mom suspected what was going on. (Maybe waking up at noon gave it away!) She could have always forced compliance. As a matter of fact, in some situations she did and I'm glad she did. But most of the time she worked real hard on changing my attitude. This helped me to mature faster, be more responsible and it also strengthened the bond between us.
In some cases compliance is preferred. Once a group of convenience stores were having problems with teenagers "chillin' out" in the store parking lots. Although the extra business was great, the occasional fights and drug-dealing were a pain in the butt.
They hired an influence expert who recommended that the store owners play a certain kind of music through loudspeakers in the parking lot. When they heard the music the teens stopped "chillin' out" in the parking lot, but sales were not affected because the music wasn't played inside of the stores.
The attitudes of the teens weren't changed, but compliance was gained and maintained as long as the music was playing. In this scenario compliance was a better solution than trying to change the attitudes of dozens of teenagers at once.
By the way, in case you're wondering what kind of music it was- it was Frank Sinatra!
So, as you can probably tell it really depends on the situation. But here's something to keep in mind: When a person is in a one-up position (i.e. parent, manager, or boss) sometimes they want to force compliance because it satisfies their ego.
Think about that.
Why? Don't ask me why. Do it because I said so!
How would that statement make you feel? Ha!
So here it is in three steps:
- Always be a good influence. It starts with good education from you. (helps your teen develop good values and a good belief system)
- Keep your ego (and your emotions) in check.
- Decide whether or not it's more advantageous to focus on changing the behavior or the attitude. Remember compliance is usually a quick-fix solution. Persuasion promotes intrinsic (self) motivation because the attitude has been changed.
And when all else fails just play some Sinatra!
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